Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
