I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
