THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
