Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She even gives head with a lisp.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
