I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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