can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
