K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
