Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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