Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
