omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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