she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
