Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
