he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he puts the penis in happiness.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
