The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
