You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
