I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
