Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
