Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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