i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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