I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
