eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
