She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
