our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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