that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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