Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
