Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
