glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
