I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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