dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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