....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
