i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
