i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
high people should be assigned attendants
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
