What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
