He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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