I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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