Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
