I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
