I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
