if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
