buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
