come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
