I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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