you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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