he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
