My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
