There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
