Someone shit on the floor
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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