So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
