I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
