My liver just broke up with me...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
