I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think i have herpe
just one?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
