you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
